Eureka !
- … And then Archimedes jumped out of a bath
and exclaimed:
“Eureka!” – a pupil reads.
- What is “eureka” ? – a teacher asks.
- “Eureka” means “he found”.
- Well. Now tell me please, what
Archimedes found in a bath.
- I think, he found soap.
Twice guilty
A pupil tells his comrade:
- Yesterday my father punished me twice.
- Why ?
- The first time he punished me when I
showed him a diary and the second time, when the father understood that
this was
his old diary.
Beautiful present
- Uncle Bill, thank you very much for the
trumpet, that you gave me as a present.
- Do you like the trumpet, Teddy ?
- Of course! Mother pays 3 dollars to me
not to play in the day-time, and my father pays 5 dollars to me
not to play in the evening.
At exam
An examiner:
- Why do you wink at me ?
A student:
- Professor, I signal you that my knowledge is
coming to an end.
-------
An examiner:
- What do you want: one difficult question or
two easy ones ?
- One difficult, professor.
- Okay, tell me please, where the first people
appeared.
- In London, sir.
- Why in London ?
- I’m sorry, professor, but this is
already the second question.
Wonders of technical progress
A sergeant bought an electronic watch. A boy
comes up and asks him:
- Tell me please, what the time is.
- Twelve, divided by thirty one.
- What does it mean ?
- Go away, boy. I have been dividing myself for
half a day already.
Foreseeing monkey
Two monkeys are dismantling an atom bomb.
- I’m afraid it will blust. – says one of them.
- Don’t worry, I have another one.
Business-like conversation
- Uncle Bill, I need to tell you something.
- Well, but tell briefly and clearly.
- 100 dollars, please.
Foreseeing cow
A crow flies and sees that a cow climbs up a
birch. The crow asks:
- What are you doing?
- I want to eat apples. – the cow answers.
- Are you fool ? Do you know that apples don’t
grow on birches ?
- Never mind, I have taken them with me.
If logic is week …
One man asks his friend:
- John, tell me please, haw many cakes you can
eat on an empty stomach.
- Five, I think.
- This is wrong. If you eat only one cake, then
the others won’t be on an empty stomach.
- This is very interesting puzzle. I’ll tell it
my wife.
At home John asks his wife:
- Tell me please my darling, haw many cakes you
can eat on an empty stomach.
- Six, maybe seven.
- Oh, what a pity! If you said “five” I could
play a practical joke at you.
New decimal numeration
- Tell me please, Billy, how many zeros are
written in one million.
- Six, sir.
- Well, and how many zeros are written in
half-million ?
- Three, sir.
Revenge
A pupil runs to a policeman:
- Go with me, but quickly!
- What has happened ?
- Our teacher has parked his car in a forbidden
place.
What a speed !
A policeman fined a woman who drove at the speed
100 kilometers per hour! She was very surprised:
- It’s impossible! I have never heard that so
many kilometers could be in one hour!
-------
A policeman stops a driver-disturber:
- Why are you going at the speed 120 kilometers
per hour ?
- Hour ? – the driver is surprised. – I drive
only 15 minutes!
-------
Two friends go by car at the speed 160
kilometers per hour.
- What a speed! And what will happen to us, if a wheel flies off ?
- Don’t worry! I have a spare wheel.
On entrance exams in military academy
An examiner:
- Captain, solving this equation, you have
received that this sine is equal to 4!
Don’t you know that it’s impossible ?
- Sir, a value of sine can achieve 4 in
wartime!
-------
- Tell me please, major, what an ellipse is.
- Ellipse is a
circle, inscribed in a square with the sides 2 and 4.
Resourceful pupil
At a geography lesson. A teacher asks:
- Teddy, imagine please that you look northward. What is behind you ?
- My back, sir.